Cottonwood Seventh-day Adventist Church

51 W Mingus, Cottonwood Arizona 86326 928 634-2821

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DO YOU KNOW YOUR HYMNS?


The Dentist's Hymn.............................Crown Him with Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn................... There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
The Contractor's Hymn....................... The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn...............................Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn............................. There's a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn........................ Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist's Hymn.................... Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn........................I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn.............................Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn...................... Send The Light
The Shopper's Hymn..........................Sweet Bye and Bye
The Realtor's Hymn............................ I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn........He Touched Me
The Doctor's Hymn.............................The Great Physician

AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:

45mph....................God Will Take Care of You
65mph....................Nearer My God To Thee
85mph....................This World Is Not My Home
95mph....................Lord, I'm Coming Home
100mph..................Precious Memories
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
 

AS SEEN ON CHURCH BULLETIN BOARDS:

"People are like tea bags--you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."

"Dusty Bibles lead to dirty lives." 

"God so loved the world that He did NOT send a committee." 

"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low, but the retirement benefits are out of this world!" 

"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church." 

"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."

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Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.  

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Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited, until you try to sit in their pews.  

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Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.  

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It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.  

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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close. 

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When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.  

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People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.  

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Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs hard on your front door forever.  

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Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.  

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If the church wants a better pastor,  it only needs to pray for the one it has.

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God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?  

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Some minds are like concrete;  thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.  

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Peace starts with a smile.  

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We were called to be witnesses,  not lawyers or judges. 

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Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.  

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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.  

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Don't put a question mark where God put a period. 

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Forbidden fruits create many jams.  God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.  

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God grades on the cross, not the curve.  

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God loves everyone, but probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'  

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God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. 

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He who angers you, controls you!  

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If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!  

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Prayer:

Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!  

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The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.  

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The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you. 

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We don't change the message, the message changes us.  

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You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.  

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How to Get Into Heaven

A man dies and mets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Peter says to the man, "Here's how it works. You need to have one hundred points to get into heaven. You tell me about all the good things you've done. They are all worth a certain number of points. If your total is one hundred or more, you can come in."

"Well," says the man. "I was happily married to the same woman for 52 years. I never looked at another woman. I was attentive and loved her dearly."

"That's great," says St. Peter. "That'll be two points."

"Hmmm," says the man. "This is going to be harder than I thought. Well, I attended church regularly, volunteered my time and tithed faithfully."

"Wonderful," says St. Peter, "That's worth another point."

"One point!" says the man. "Okay, okay. I was involved with a prison ministry for twenty-five years. I went into the prison, at least monthly, and shared Jesus with them."

"Wow!" says St. Peter. "That's another two points!"

"Only two points!" says the man. "At this rate, it'll be by the grace of God that'll I'll ever get into this place."

"Bingo!" says St. Peter. "That's one hundred points! Come on in."

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A Sabbath School teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?'   'No,' replied David. 'How could he, with just two worms?'

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What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

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The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

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A little girl was talking to her elementary school teacher about whales. She had just learned about Jonah and the whale in her Sabbath School class. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible!

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

Personals

God answers Knee-Mail.


Cottonwood Seventh-day Adventist Church
51 West Mingus Ave | Cottonwood, AZ 86326